How to free myself, and this world, without tearing myself to pieces.
You have become exceedingly introspective.
I was afraid.
You say you are lonely, but also say you want to be alone.
In reality, it is absolutely terrifying to have the ground beneath your feet ripped out from beneath you, and this is precisely what we experience during the Dark Night of the Soul.
My desire to live is as intense as ever, and though my heart is broken, hearts are made to be broken:
Falling By Larry Robinson.
It can be useful to search for the roots of a dark night, but in my experience the best way to deal with it is to find the concrete action or decision that it is asking for.
Although depression shares many of its characteristics with the experience of having a Dark Night of the Soul, it can often be treated and sometimes cured with medications, cognitive behavioral therapy CBTmindfulness practices, lifestyle gaming girlfriend and so forth.
You can acknowledge your darkness and still find some joy.
I know this first hand.